Professional school is no joke. The
workload is tremendously burdensome, and at times, downright dull (no offense
to those who really like ethics lectures). Many programs have the students
taking several classes at once, all to culminate in a flurry of finals at
semester’s end. Other programs, like mine, do one class at a time, but each class—a
semester’s worth of material—is packed into five to seven days, with two to four
exams in that timeframe. Undergrad cram sessions seem wimpy after just a few
weeks in dental school.
I forgot to
mention doing other important things, like extracurricular clubs and
activities, service, exercise, food shopping, cooking…the
list goes on. Much of one’s time outside of lecture or lab is dedicated to
studying; and, if you’re thinking about specializing, you’ve got to put in
extra time and effort to prepare for that too (research, shadowing, extra
clinical time, etc.).
One of the
challenges that I face in dental school is how to carry the dental school load
while balancing a family. While I’m not alone in this, I’ve found that it’s
totally doable! Many put off dental school, or getting married, or having children
because they believe dental school is too rigorous to bear with a family and/or
a spouse. While everyone’s personal situation is different, I write to offer my
perspective and advice on how to succeed in dental school with a family.
Tip #1: Gain The Support Of Your Spouse/Family
By far, I
owe my personal success to my supportive wife and children. If your husband or
wife understands your goals in life, and is willing to complement you in your
efforts, dental school will go more smoothly. Some days that means I won’t be
home for 14 hours and will miss bedtime with the kids. Other times that means
I’ll be out of town for a week at a conference. Other days I’m free to help
around the house, mow the lawn, play with the kids, etc. When your spouse
understands that dental school is tough, and agrees to be your support and
anchor through your schooling, then you’ll have more success in school and at
home.
Tip #2: Compliment Your Spouse/Family For All They Do For You
They
deserve your gratitude, 100%. Make sure you show appreciation for their
sacrifices by showing your love for them, whether by spending quality time,
words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, acts of service, or just listening
to them (see The 5 Love Languages by
Gary Chapman). While you may have had a tough day at school, your spouse has
probably had a tough day with the kids or at work. Take the time to listen to
them and validate their personal struggles. They’re doing it for you because
you’re doing it for them.
Tips #3: Kids Are Worth It
Comedian
Jim Gaffigan has a brilliant way to bringing levity, introspection, and
sobriety to a parenting situation (all within the same quip). “People treat
having a kid as somehow retiring from success. Quitting. Have you seen a baby?
They’re pretty cute. Loving them is pretty easy. Smiling babies should actually
be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.
Being happy is really the definition of success, isn’t it?”1
We had our second child, another
boy, in December of my first semester in dental school. One classmate’s wife
had their second child a day later. Another classmate’s wife had twins a year
ago. Another, a second child two months ago. I know pregnant residents —in
their 3rd trimesters!— still working in clinic and preparing for their board
exams. Yes, having children means less sleep, more work, less “me time”, more
“them time”, but it also means more snuggles, hugs, kisses, smiles, and
admiration, even when you fail. But you won’t ultimately fail, because they
need you to succeed. And we need them, because through them we become more
driven, gentle, caring, stable, loving, selfless human beings. And what patient
wouldn’t want a dentist like that?
1. Wood, Drew. “Everything You Need To Know About Parenting In 12 Jim
Gaffigan Quotes.” Fatherly, Fatherly,
29 June 2015,
www.fatherly.com/parenting-and-relationships/everything-you-need-to-know-about-parenting-in-12-jim-gaffigan-quotes/